Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
