I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live