Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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