Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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