I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize