Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
