dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
