Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
