oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
