she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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