Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
