I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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