In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
