and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
