sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
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Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
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I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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