just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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