listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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