u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
