Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?