Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I'm always down for nudity.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
