just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I need to stop coming to work sober
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
