omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
