yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
