just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Gay?
German.
Pity.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
