It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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