I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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