were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Randomize
