Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Randomize
