I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
