i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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