he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Rumble strips road head = magical
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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