Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
You can't motorboat a personality
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Randomize
