this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
