I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
