ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
