I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
