We're facebook friends in real life
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
I did not marry a roomba.
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