id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
You had me at "let me see your balls"
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
