Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
