ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
