i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
