what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
