When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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