can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
