He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
