a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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