Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
