It's like God shit irony all over that family
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
