WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
