I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
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