You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
