I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
