dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize
