Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
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Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
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My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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