Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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