I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
