I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
