I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
