The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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