at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
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