I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
