Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I have tasted many bathrooms
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
