For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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