I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
