No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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