I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
