I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
