So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
