wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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