you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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