Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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