Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Randomize
