i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
