he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I could have mohawked her pubes.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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