Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
