Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
